You’ve waited all year for ’em (well, at least my wife has). So here’s to Christmas 2022. Deck the halls and clear your throats …
“Make it Rain”
[“Let it Snow”]
(as sung by Steve Cohen)
Oh the season was straight delightful
Till October made it blightful
And since I’m worth more than Spain
Make it rain! Make it rain! Make it rain!
Well deGrom went off Cowboy rustlin’
So I made a call to Justin
“Hop onto my cheddar train!”
Make it rain! Make it rain! make it rain!
When the Wilpons were still in charge
Coins were pinched, like the Grinch, parallax
Now Uncle Stevie is livin’ large
I’ve got my own lux’ry tax!
Here’s Nimmo, Senga, Quintana
And who knows who I’ll woo mañana
Ohtani? I’ll buy him Maine
Make it rain! Make it rain Make it rain!
“Hoping for the Best in Yankeeland”*
[“Walking in a Winter Wonderland”]
Yankees fold, Hal is cringing
Back in Queens, Cohen is binging
A 13-year plight
It just isn’t right
Hoping for the best in Yankeeland
IKF, must you flounder
Through your legs, skids a grounder
Hicks duffs a fly ball
Then jogs to the wall
Bracing for the worst in Yankeeland
At the winter meetings sits the Cashman
He pretends that he plays Moneyball
He’ll say, “Need a prospect?”
They’ll say, “No, man.
“But here’s a bloated contract, pay it all!”
Later on, fans perspire
Boonie’s moves all backfire
Still face unafraid
The Astros remade
Hoping for the best in Yankeeland
In the outfield we have Judge and Stanton
We’ll pretend that they’ll play all the games
Trainer’s whirlpool will be up and crankin’
With random torn obliques and DJ’s sprains
With Rodon, we’ll aspire
To the flag, maybe higher
To face without faze
The Rays and the Jays
Hoping for the best in Yankeeland
Number 28 in Yankeeland …
“It’s a Most Unusual Time of the Year”
[“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”]
It’s a most unusual time of the year
Whether Jet or a Giant
They’re stubborn, defiant
And play with no fear!
It’s a most unusual time of the year
It’s the foot-ballsiest season of all
Dexter, Sauce, Thibodeaux
Saleh, Wilson, Moreau
And ol’ Brian Daboll!
It’s the foot-ballsiest season of all!
There’ll be Lions for slaying
Commanders for flaying
Or else playoff odds become bleak
There’ll be much Danny-Diming
And Zach Wilson subliming
To stay in the hunt one more week
It’s the most unusual season in years
One team’s keeping receipts
And the other drum-beats
They’ll draw Tom’s Buccaneers!
It’s the most unusual season … in … years!
“World Cup (What’s a yellow card?)”*
[“Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)”]
(Sung by casual American soccer fans)
World Cup (Was that called offside?)
World Cup (I still don’t see how)
World Cup (What is injury time?)
World Cup (Should be done by now!)
World Cup (A striker goes down)
World Cup (He’s writhing on the sod)
World Cup (The fans all going mad)
World Cup (Sub this flopping fraud!)
Lining up to build a wall
Messi really struck that ball
Can’t someone beat France this year
Give us Yanks some Yuletide cheer!
World Cup (The folks in the stands)
World Cup (Are weeping so hard)
World Cup (Here’s a referee)
World Cup (What’s a yellow card?)
They’re yelling, “That’s a hand ball!”
But I think they just want to stall
Oh, no, another PK!
Nil-nil games every day!
World Cup …
“Here’s What I Liked About 20-2-2”
[“These are a Few of any Favorite Things”]
Aaron Judge smashing the record of Roger
Gil in the Hall, all-time Met, all-time Dodger
Johnnies and Bonnies and Rams and Gaels, too
Here’s what I liked about 20-2-2
Saquon and Zam finding holes, run like thunder
Donovan Mitchell (OK, there’s a blunder)
Devs, Isles, Rangers with Cups in their view
Here’s what I’ve liked about 20-2-2
When the Knicks lose
When the Nets snooze
When they play no D
I dream of do-overs
From baseball’s Octobers
And then I don’t feel … grouchy …
KD rains 3s and J. Brunson’s a keeper
St. Peter’s run as the ultimate sleeper
October Bader hit .333
Time to get ready for 20-2-3 ….
— With Rob Ricco
Vac’s Whacks
Louie Orr was a gentleman and a joy to cover when he was at Seton Hall. Plus, as a young St. John’s fan way back in the day, the “Louie & Bouie” show struck fear in me whenever Syracuse faced the Johnnies. Godspeed to a good man.
Tuesday will be the 40th birthday of one David Allen Wright, and like most athletes who played their whole career here — Derek Jeter, Eli Manning, Henrik Lundqvist, others — it’s a number hard to fathom, because in the mind’s eye they are forever 25.
The big news Friday in Jets land was Mike White and Zach Wilson. But Robert Saleh also wore a shirt commemorating the Sunday fundraiser in honor of Greg Knapp, the Jets’ passing game coordinator killed in 2021 by a “distracted driver.” Jets coaches and staff will run the steps at MetLife to benefit the Coach Knapp Memorial Fund. Fans can also participate at $100 per climber at a site of their choice. For more details visit knappmemorial.org/stairclimb. Saleh’s shirt had “986,000” on it — the number of deaths each year caused by distracted drivers.
The latest season of “The Crown” is fine, but I keep expecting Bunk to show up at Buckingham Palace and bring Prince Charles down for a chat with some of the corner crews. (Fans of “The Wire” will understand.)
Whack Back at Vac
Marty Galvin: How unprepared did Joe Flacco look last week in Buffalo? He looked as ready as Ralph Malph did when he was called in and took his warm-ups off and wasn’t even dressed in his uniform.
Vac: One of the fastest avenues to being included in this feature is to drop a splendidly random “Happy Days” reference.
Joey Sowinski: The Mets got a lot more expensive. And a lot older. But did they get even a little bit better? No! (I won’t hold my breath waiting for this little missive to show up in your Whack Back at Vac section.)
Vac: Breathe, Joey! Breathe!
@Yoplin: Any chance you can get Jalen Brunson to handle the ball to end a game instead of Julius Randle? Pretty please?
@MikeVacc: If I had such powers, don’t you think I’d have tapped into them by now?
Bruce Welsch: When I was a kid, my parents would tell me, “Play shortstop, play shortstop!” I should have listened to them.
Vac: Ain’t that the truth?
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