New season, same shambles.
Writer Stewart Swafford maintains, “A dynasty is nothing but the successful orchestration of treachery.” Preach, Stew. There is no single dynasty in the history of television that proves the point more than John Dutton & co of Paramount’s “Yellowstone.”
A family of blood ties and branding irons, the Dutton’s live, kill, provide, provoke and protect their own interests against the staggering backdrop of Montana’s Paradise Valley.
For four seasons, fans have watched as patriarch John Dutton, played by Kevin Costner, and his progeny of drunks, murderers, loyal ranch hands and wayward sons have struggled to prove themselves and defend the family’s land and legacy.
Costner responded to reports that he was leaving the show and hanging up the spurs of his iconic character, telling Entertainment Tonight, “I’ll go till it doesn’t feel like we’re interesting, and right now we have our foot on the gas and that feels OK to me.” Foot on the gas, whiskey in the glass and grudges on the grindstone, “Yellowstone” returns to Peacock TV for its fifth season on Sunday, November 13.
To celebrate this deeply flawed family and absolutely American story, we bring you a list of the cast of “Yellowstone” as zodiac signs. Read on and cowboy up.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Teeter
Among the first words uttered by this pink maned, bull lassoing, beer crushing firebrand were, “Do I look my f***in’ name is Peter you skunk haired motherf***er?” and with this our favorite Texan cemented her status as an Aries. As the first sign in the zodiac, ram folk are known to be headstrong, reactionary and fearless when it comes to making themselves known, making the first move, or drawing first blood. Anything but subtle and an absolute delight, Teeter is Aries energy incarnate.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Kayce Dutton
Kayce Dutton’s birthday is given as April 27, 1990, making this youngest son a Taurus sun. Tauruses are known for being level headed and measured and in kind Kayce is painted as the most patient and responsible member of his family, not a high honor in a dynasty of madmen and murderers, but a distinction none the less. Loyal to a fault and indulgent to the hilt, bulls prioritize pleasure and and our man is unabashed in his duty to family and affinity for sex and biscuits.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Tate Dutton
Quick, curious, big on charm, comedic timing and hard hitting questions, the youngest Dutton is a snake killing, intruder slaying, hat tipping, one liner leveling Gemini. The sign of the twins is synonymous with duality and resilience and young Tate, the child of a Dutton scion and a daughter of the Broken Rock reservation, represents the central circle of a Venn diagram of polarities.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Beth Dutton
Beth Dutton’s date of birth is given as July 18, 1984, making her a Cancer sun. Beth is a broken blonde with a sharp tongue and a taste for drink. She gives off a stab you under the dinner table, chase wild wolves vibe, a danger courting veneer that belies her sensitive nature. Cancers low key love a clandestine affair and Beth is no exception, taking up with her adopted brother Rip, and taking matters into her own hands when he fails to propose. This cardinal water sign loves ferociously, takes nothing lightly and boasts an encyclopedic knowledge of every slight and insult they have suffered. Her testament; “I believe in lovin’ with your whole soul and destroying anything that wants to kill what you love. That’s it. That’s all there is,” solidifies her as a Cancer.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Lloyd Pierce
Charming, generous and ageless, Lloyd is Leo all the way. Ruling over the fifth house of sex, creativity, play and the inner child, there is an enduring kid like quality to lions. Our handlebar mustached king doesn’t let his advanced years prevent him from getting down with the young folk be it ranching, partying or picking up women. In terms of the physical body, the heart is the domain of Leo and Lloyd has it in spades, divining wisdom, offering friendship and coming correct with poetic truths such as “You’re either born a willow, or you’re born an oak. That’s all there is to it.” Well hell, Lloyd, go ahead and change my life and wondering about bark why don’t you.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Colby Mayfield
Virgos are hardworking, meticulous and calm under pressure or when aggressively pursued by pink haired Texans like Teeter, making cool headed, wry humored Colby the mutable earth sign of the bunch. Those born under this sign can suffer the cloistered consequences of their rigidity but also have an uncanny ability to see the potential in all things and all people. We see both elements at work in Colby who is rule abiding but also sees the depth and complexity of wildcard Teeter and is eventually won over by her persistent and tactless charms.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Jamie Dutton
The sun is in fall in Libra, meaning it is unable to fully express its potential. Because of this deficit, Libras often struggles to earn the love and approval of their respective father figures, a conflict at the heart of Jamie Dutton’s character development. Our man’s bio dad murdered his mother when Jamie was an infant and adopted daddy John Dutton is a far cry from a paternal role mode. Libra is represented by the scales and balances of justice and fittingly, Jamie is a Harvard educated lawyer. Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of love and aesthetics and though Jamie is often the absolute worst, he is invariably the best dressed of the lot. Libras judge and value themselves based on how they are perceived by others. As Jamie’s sister Beth deftly and devastatingly notes, “What kind of man I am? That’s not a question you ever asked yourself. What does the world think of me, that’s the only question you ask.” Brutal burn, sis.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Rip Wheeler
Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, planet of death and regeneration and no character has more intimate knowledge of either than ladies and gentlemen Rip Wheeler, whose first name itself is a tombstone epitaph. In addition, our man is murderously loyal and brilliant when it comes to covering up his crimes, not to mention he looks great in funerary black. Sworn to protect the Dutton’s and the ranch at any cost, Wheeler wears his devotion in the form of a cattle brand on his chest. The searing identifier is given to a young Wheeler as a rite of initiation, a symbol of trust and a blistered reminder of his own rebirth.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Jimmy Hurdstrom
Sagittarius folk are indomitable in their sunniness. Archers are avowed in their belief that if you get back up from what knocks you down, the best is yet to come. This attitude equates to living recklessly and recovering quickly, two things bull riding, ex meth dealing, heart of gold holding romantic Mr. Jimmy Hurdstorm does very, very well.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
John Dutton
Capricorn is an earth sign and DILF John Dutton, played by real life sea goat Kevin Costner will go to any length or deplorable depth to hold on to the land he holds dear. Capricorns are preoccupied with worth, wealth and legacy and John is no exception. Ruled by Saturn, Capricorns uphold the status quo rather than undo it, an MO made clear in John’s declaration, “I am the opposite of progress. I’m the wall that it bashes against, and I will not be the one that breaks.” Noted, pal.
Capricorn is an earth sign and DILF John Dutton, played by real life sea goat Kevin Costner will go to any length or deplorable depth to hold on to the land he holds dear.
In astrology, Capricorn symbolizes the father and John is the problematic patriarch of the Dutton clan, who in addition to his own children, acts as surrogate father to others. On a larger scaleJohn also stands as a symbol of fraught patriarchal American attitudes towards land grabbing, territory claiming and the ignoble rot of manifest destiny.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Thomas Rainwater
Thomas Rainwater displays the Aquarius gift of perspective, as he is ever able to see the big picture and move strategically towards his desired place within it. A brilliant mind with the blessing/curse of emotional detachment, Thomas is one step ahead of his adversaries with one eye fixed on improving his position and the lives of his people. Aquarians are abstract thinkers and dubious doers and for his part, Thomas speaks in metaphors and isn’t above underhanded dealings that ensure he stays on top and on target. Who but a water bearer would wield a threat as cold and conceptual as “I will erase you from the future?”
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Monica Long Dutton
Pisces folk tend to get caught up in, and rolled over by, their romantic relationships. Such is the case for Monica Long Dutton, whose marriage to Kayce Dutton is a pain point within “Yellowstone” with some fans calling out the toxicity in their doomed union and others (most likely other Pisces) rooting for their happily ever after. Pisceans are always bent on escape of some kind and Monica is ever on the lookout for an exit, how many suitcases have we seen this woman pack? Monica is also grating and deeply Piscean in her inability to glean what she wants or ask for it clearly. Indeed, it took a traumatic brain injury, (incurred breaking up a school yard fight, very on brand for a Pisces) for Monica to finally see her relationship for what it is and draw a boundary line within it.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
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